D-Day

Dream. Dullness. Definition. Destination. Depression. Dollars. Despair. Drive. Deadlines. Decision. Domination. Derivation. Delight.

Procrastination, really :).

Emotion, logic, responsibility, all of that. None of that. What to do when you know D-Day is ahead? As it draws closer? And how is that all different when writing is involved?

Writing for business and education is D-Day for me. Professors and peers will present feedback, and no matter how experienced or well-versed you are in any field or subject, a grade or measurement of some sort will be attached to that piece. In business, coworkers and bosses and the public will be the critics. Both involve an influence on financial status. For that reason and many others mentioned above, emotion gets involved.

Target audience and caring about what feedback is shared will forever affect my writing. The writing course of the past 10 weeks was the bane of my existence, especially when a decline in my health status caused further delay in putting thoughts down on paper. Also, after weeks of having a break from being assistant editor for a weekly newspaper, the chief editor passed away suddenly, leaving me to help try to fill his shoes interim-style. But besides taking over most of his regular responsibilities, I have yet to write a tribute article for publication on the front page. Front page articles are nothing new. Tributes are nothing new. But it is about someone for whom I cared, and that is where D-Day starts to loom as procrastination and emotion fight to settle because logic keeps repeating all those D words I started this post with.

Ultimate improvement for my writing would be to never have to write at all. But it is selfish, because a whole range of people in my circle of influence would be unable to share in my thoughts, besides the fact that I am not sharing my thoughts in written form. Any assertiveness to share my thoughts is irrelevant, as writing mostly feels like a chore. It has felt that way since I was commissioned to draft letters of correspondence for executives of various standing when I was but 7-years-old; since I was asked to proof and contribute to a religious bi-monthly magazine, policies and procedures and other publications in various countries.

But even though I do not prefer to write when it comes to anything shared, I do write for personal growth in different journal forms, surprisingly. This particular course has reminded me that writing can only improve with knowledge and reading. Outlining on a separate and visible sheet of paper has helped me organize my thoughts more. Meantime, I would do best to start writing a draft, before a deadline looms. It is because of this new piece of advice that I know I will have more papers to write until writing assignments become a positive experience, with no trace of negativity.

Until then, several D-Days have passed.
More to come :).

R&R...

Nope!
Not rest and relaxation, as I would have wished and always wish, even in the moment.

Responsibility and Regulation.

Cannot live with them, but cannot live without them either. Education, the workplace, home, shopping, community upkeep, family get-togethers, church services and socials, lifestyle, health status, vacation ... even a 10-minute power nap. All of these and more require some degree of balance between regulation and responsibility. Responsibility can be the emotion, and regulation the logic. But even if vice versa, if there is any communication breakdown or high expectation, things can be either enjoyable or stressful or any mix of both.

Thankfully, my professors and family have made this week's responsibilities enjoyable for the most part. It was regulation that lingered as a warning that irresponsibility is a bad choice, but an occurrence nonetheless. Regulation is then an area I know I still need improvement in, and will need to work to make decided efforts to keep on my side and under control.

Meantime, reflecting and recounting through writing will be a tentative gauge and log of where I am. It has taken a few weeks to restore my health and resume life, while trying to catch up with everything in a seemingly haphazard style. I am encouraged, though, that my spinning and reeling has transitioned more towards jumping and rolling.

Anyway, someday, R&R will mean realistic and rewarding as my long-term goals are accomplished. The remaining days of this particular term will be filled with revamping and maybe some more revising; we'll see. This unit promises to replay in my mind for months to come. But I hope to never, ever, ever have to relive or repeat it ... ever again.

No; thank you :).

Spinning 'round and 'round

History repeats itself.

Oh yeah?

Hmmmm...

Hope so for some things. Hope not for some others.

Hope sos:
spending happy times with family, keeping healthy and alive, learning new things education-wise and on a spiritual level, laughing often, being there for family and friends in their times of joy and pain, getting challenged by the courses I take, receiving hydrotherapy and massage treatments, traveling to visit family and friends, sharing recipes and tasting successful experiments, conversing over ideas and people, etc.

Hope nots:
unpreparedness in regards to natural disasters, 2 phone conversations at once unless they are directly connected, robbing a person's prerogative as an intelligent being by assuming or boxing their character, comply with negative desires which inspires and emboldens even worse occurrences, anxiousness, seeming success, rebellious complaints, defiance, costly showing, etc.

The lists come from a wide variety of situations, and an even wider time range. Being native to a small island country warrants cause for listing events in both lists, given the wide circle of influence. The pressure is definitely there. But there are so many promises of growth and success, and forgiveness to help me forget and learn from mistakes.

For that matter, spinning can be caused by dizziness and a loss of sense of direction. But spinning, for me, will be my imaginary Plushenko-like quadruple-triple combination, :) even though reality tells me single axles are still in style off-ice. Right now, reality is telling me it's dinnertime, and my stomach is spinning without purpose. Reality is also reminding me there are thoughts spinning in my head that will someday be typed into a blog or so, but their moment has not yet come.

Meantime, March has begun, and the melodies of the concert masters bid me stand up and bid the computer adieu....

...**spinning**~**turning**~**twirling**~**looping**~**twizzling**...